Valuable screen time; Realising the value of Somatic Sex Coaching
Somatic Sex Coaching – When I first certified as a Sexological Bodyworker, I was very orientated towards face to face work, in real time, where I could use the full range of exercises and body based tools I had learnt. If someone contacted me from an unreachable city, I would try to work out how I could get them to my base for the optimum and most effective work. I guess I looked like I was desperate to get my hands on people! Actually, I just knew how transformative and effective these practices are.
After all, this was the special part of Sexological Bodywork modality! This was the part that made us stand out from counsellors and other practitioners who if they do touch, certainly don’t do genital touch or touch for erotic intentions. ‘What if it turns into a counselling session?’ I worried.
However, recently I have had a few clients where there was no alternative than to work online for geographical reasons. In one case the client told me persistently that she wanted a special dedicated space just to talk about sexuality. It took a while for it to sink in just how valuable the space, permission and specialism I could offer was to her. Since then, I have found the online sessions to be rich, evolving spaces for conversation and somatic work, ideas and reframing, creativity and inspiration.
I follow up the call with an email summary of what happened in the session and the ideas and exercises we discussed, plus somatic or erotic ‘homework’. This roots what can be a fleeting, virtual, slightly ethereal interaction (we are breathing and doing arousal and all sorts!) into a real life reality of some actual techniques, intentions and coaching goals. It often results in me coming up with a bonus idea for the client to try, a YouTube link or a book to read.
A client’s story – Somatic Sex Coaching
I was contacted by a young man who had issues with feeling incredibly self-conscious and awkward about his genitals being exposed, in sexual situations and in front of his wife. He thinks that this is contributing to losing his erection during penetration (all physical reasons had been ruled out). He wondered whether I could help.
We did 5 sessions online, with lots of talking, breathing and somatic awareness, including his genitals. On the second session, he realised that he experienced an incident as a young teenager where his genitals were exposed under coercion by some older peers. He had written this off as insignificant, but could remember the shame and discomfort.
During the sessions there was a real change in how he experienced his body from within, in particular his penis started to feel like ‘part of him’ rather than a separate part of his body, detached and different from all the other parts. We did an exercise where he wrote to his penis, and he imagined what his penis might say in reply. He gradually felt more comfortable so that we could do an undressing ritual, and he did a ‘show and tell’ and told me all about the anatomy and how it works. We then moved on to masturbation witnessing, coaching and teaching solo sex techniques for people with penises (including ‘soft cock massage’).
He said he never realised his penis would feel so good without an erection. He has now had various new experiences with his penis, both online with me and in the homework practices I suggested. He has increased his tolerance to his penis being seen and witnessed, and more than tolerance; pleasure and enjoyment! He has a lot of practical things to do at home, solo and with his wife, such as try out self-pleasure with hands and then a Fleshlight (male masturbation toy) with a new mindset and intention, and to try different positions with his wife, and very importantly be able to self-regulate using breath and movement.
This is what he wrote afterwards:
”For me online coaching wasn’t a problem but it went better than I thought. You don’t have to be face to face in order to receive an excellent service and experience. Beck is an amazing person and you can talk to her about anything without fearing there would be any judgement. In fact, it was during our sessions where I realised some things about my past but it was only because of her welcoming attitude that made it easy for me. Overall the online experience is awesome and in some respects even more convenient since you can do it from the comfort of your own bed instead of having to travel around! I would recommend Beck for anyone having any issues, she will listen with an open mind with no judgement and every session is tailor made for what you want. 10/10!”
If you are interested in talking with me about whether online coaching is for you or you and your partner/s, please email me on firstname.lastname@example.org.
Thanks for reading,